The Adventures of Egbert
by Deana-Samantha
Summary: As a school assignment Dean has to look after an egg for a weekend. “Dean looked at John, his face pale, hands twisting in his lap. ‘I’m a parent…'”


Summary: As a school assignment Dean has to look after an egg for a weekend. "Dean looked at John, his face pale, hands twisting in his lap. 'I'm a parent.'…"

Sam: Well, we were up very late and just a little bit hyper and decided to write this fic which has apparently been bugging Dean for a while.

Dean: It's a plot bunny that won't go away!

Sam: Yes Dean, anyway as things got more and more insane and our handwriting got harder and harder to read the story slowly emerged. The evening culminated in several highlights such as Dean naming and subsequently kissing one of her feet.

Dean: Meet Dean -points at right foot-and Jensen –points at left foot-

Sam: And then things got really crazy

Dean: Yes little baby, we're going to put you in a cradle and rock you off a cliff, yes we are, yes we are.

Sam: -lashing out wildly- I hate your feet, I hate your feet.

Dean: And then…

Sam: -pokes Dean's stomach-

Dean: -falls out of bed- AAAAAH, NO! I AM SLAIN BY MY OWN TRECHERY!

Sam: Yeah, we went to see Hamlet the other day.

Sam: Oh yeah, and then there was that time…

Dean: -rocking in the corner-

-twin thuds as both fall out of the bed-

Dean: But that's another story, to be told another time…

(email us if you want a transcript)

Sam: So read and then review!! Or Dean will be forced to cry – and that would be sad…ish.

Sam: Just a note, there are some adult jokes in this fic

Dean: So if you don't get them feel free to ask your kids in the car on the way home.

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The Adventures Of Egbert

Dean Winchester stared at the small object in his hand.

"Green," San interrupted. "The light's green."

Dean didn't answer, it was all too much. He was a parent. It was up to him to see this egg grew up in a happy, safe environment…

"GREEN!!"

"Shh." He hissed, stupid irresponsible little brothers. Suddenly a wonderful idea occurred to him.

"Sammy! You can be the mother!"

Sam's highly ungratified expression forced him to rethink John as an option, having rejected this idea after several seconds spent dwelling on the image of whiskery goodnight kisses and frilly pink aprons, that did admittedly dispel his enthusiasm a bit.

"Alright, I'll be the mother, you can be the daddy to little Egbert."

Sam stared at him

"Are you implying we slept together? And that you laid that egg??"

Dean grinned,

"I thought we agreed never again to mention the whole sleeping together thing?"

Sammy raised his eyebrows.

"Oooooooh." Dean realised, "You mean THAT slept together…"

"Besides, even if we had I think it would be biologically impossible too produce offspring, and even if we did I highly doubt it would be an egg."

Dean looked mortified, "Sam! Don't tease poor little Egbert because he was born different! How dare you imply that he was adopted? He's a part of the family! If you don't get this attitude out I'm filing for a divorce."

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED!" Sam shouted, glaring evilly at the people who turned to stare. "You named it Egbert without consulting me? Who Egberts their kid?"

Dean paused, "Oh my God! Do you think it's too classical? He won't fit in? What if he gets teased by the other kids? We could always shorten it to Bert, or call him Robert if it got to bad…say they made a mistake at the school."

He grabbed Sam's arm. "It's not too late is it?"

Sam stared at him before pulling his arm away. "I'm sure the egg will be fine."

"He has a name Sam."

"It's an egg."

"Eggs have feelings too!"

"Great, now we've miss the light."

"Sammy, your always projecting on him, just because you're a miserable parent doesn't mean you have to blame it on Egbert."

Sam sighed, "your mental."

Dean grinned making faces at the egg. "Who's a gorgeous poultry product?" He tickled the egg with a finger. "Who wants to go home and meet granddad?" He glanced at Sam. "Is he a paternal or maternal grandfather?"

"Both." Sam replied. "No! Wait! He's not a grandfather! I'm surprised you know those words…"

"Since Egbert was born a whole new world has opened up to me. I've learnt so much about life!"

"It's been what? Two Hours?"

"I know all the things just appeared in my head."

"You actually have a brain now?" Sam asked, genuinely interested. "Green, again."

They crossed the road in a matter of seconds, with Dean insisting on everyone holding hands,

"I don't think Egbert can make it home, I should have brought the stroller."

Sam rolled his eyes and fished in his bag for the keys while making his way up the shady stone steps.

"Hurry honey, I don't want Egbert to catch a cold."

Sam rolled his eyes again, so far back this time that you could actually see the whites and muttered something unintelligible before opening the door and mockingly bowing Dean in ahead of him.

Dean stalked past Sam, caressing Egbert. "Welcome home my child."

Sam snorted.

"Ignore your father Egbert, it's been a long day for him," he glared at Sam. "Apologise Sammy!"

"What? You want me to talk to an egg? Don't give me that look…ok fine , I'm sorry."

"Say it like you mean it!"

"I'm sorry for a being a grumpy parents and I'll make it up to you."

"Good, let's go into the TV room. You wanna watch kiddie shows don't you Egbert?" Grinning enthusiastically he bounded to the couch and started rearranging the pillows.

Sam turned the TV on and waited before turning back to Dean.

"Do you really think he should be watching TV Dean?"

"Yes."

"Dean, this is ridiculous!"

"Shhh!" Dean grabbed Sam's arm and dragged him into the kitchen. "So he can't hear us. Now would you stop denying Egbert your love and get in there and be a parent!"

"Fine, but you're telling dad about this, I have an egg to put to bed."

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TBC...

Deana: AHA! Done….ha ha ha ha ha, Dean is so OOC its stupid.

Sam: But hilarious!

Deana: But wait until John finds out – that is one good conversation…Mwa HA HA HA! IF you want to know what happened you should review

Sam: Are you implying that you WANT to tell our father you're a mother? Can I be there? Just for entertainment value?

Deana; I dunno – who wants to? REVIEW!!! PLEASE!!!


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